Walking through town, I feel determined and purposeful. My eyes gaze just above the poor woman with her child, hand outstretched trying to get my attention. I keep walking, as if I don't even see her. And part of me really doesn't see her at all.
A friend takes me aside because she needs to talk. She tells me of her desire to go to America and, more immediately, her need for school supplies. I stare at her, dumbfounded, part of me feeling betrayed, another part of me unsurprised. I find myself hoping she will still be my friend when I tell her I can't help. I don't even consider the alternative.
I justify my behavior because I believe that the issues I am witnessing are structural and cannot be remedied by money or offering personal connections. And, though I truly believe this, I am terrified that it has left me callous towards the needs of others. It certainly wasn't always this way. Witnessing poverty and homelessness used to overwhelm me and make me cry. Somehow, I now see it as just another marker of global inequity.
Paul Farmer, a man I respect but do not always agree with, goes by a model that you should help the poor no matter what. A man who is hungry does not care whether his hunger is a systematic issue that can only be solved through massive structural changes; he cares about eating. A girl who cannot pay school fees does not care whether the system of charging school fees is unjust; she cares about going to school. But, there are other reasons I don't consider giving at the individual level. I don't want to encourage dependence and I certainly don't want to be a part of an unfair power dynamic. Part of me sees the enormity and complexity of global poverty and knows that any contribution I could make would make no difference at all.
But, there must be a balance--something between handing out money to individuals and deferring to my supposed powerlessness over global poverty. The mezzo level of poverty alleviation, so to speak. Somewhere between direct structural influence and handing out food to the hungry sit small NGOs and other organizations that seek to alleviate the manifests of poverty through social change. These NGOs see the needs of those around them and respond in kind, positioned perfectly to influence both the individuals and the structures retaining them.
I don't feel that my work in Uganda at a small NGO replaces my personal obligation to alleviate suffering. I still have a steadfast belief in the need for structural changes, reforms, and policies that create conditions of social, economic, and educational inclusion and opportunities for all people. I still believe that without looking at systemic causes of poverty, handouts do little but enforce paternalism. And I still don't have a comfortable way of responding to the need I am confronted with on a daily basis. But perhaps comfort should not be the goal. Perhaps I should endeavor to see people more clearly, work hard at the task at hand, advocate for the structural changes I so strongly believe in, and use my power and privilege in pursuit of global justice.
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